You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.
21st February 2009
Writer's Block: Adult Onset
13th February 2009
I never seem to be able to tell my family im done till they have just put me thru so much that it has rung me dry. I want to help I want to make people better. I know that I cannot help people that dont want to be help but i just dont want to see my sister crash and burn. And I have to take a stand and i have to stop letting people run over me but i want to help people but i dont want to be their rug :
6th February 2009
Just a few things to make you laugh
MY NEXT LIFE
I want to live my next life backwards :
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School : drink alcohol, party, and you're
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you
have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in
Spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and
You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
Should children witness child birth?
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic
responded to the call.
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic
asked Kathleen, a
3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over
her Mommy so he
could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and
pushed, and after a little while Connor was
born. The paramedic
lifted him by his little feet and spanked him
on his bottom.
Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her
help and asked the
wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about
what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have
crawled in there in the first place... smack his ass again"
Interesting Court Testimony....
Judge: I know you, don't I?
Defendant: Uh, yes.
Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?
Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.
From a defendant representing himself . . .
Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I allegedly stole your purse?
Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse.
Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance.
Judge: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens.
Are you the defendant?
Defendant: No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the chickens.
Lawyer: How do you feel about defense attorneys?
Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth.
Lawyer: Well, then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution.
Juror: That's not true. I think prosecutors should be drowned at birth, too.
Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have a comment on the defendant's motion?
Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.
Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.
Judge: What does the 'Colonel' stand for?
Defendant: Well, it's kinda like the 'Honorable' in front of your name - not a thing.
Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness. Have you anything to say in your defense?
Defendant: Habitual thirstiness?
Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court?
Judge: Of course.
Defendant: If I called you a s.o.b, what would you do?
Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in jail.
Defendant: What if I thought you were a s.o.b
Judge: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking.
Defendant: In that case, I think you're a s.o.b
Current Mood: blah
21st July 2008
Sometimes I wonder what will happen in the future I wonder where I will be and everything. Because when I was younger and thought of my future I did not think at the age of 26 (going to be 27 in a few weeks) this is where I would be. I didn’t think that if I ever get married my mom would not be there, that she would be taken from us by some s.o.b that couldn’t stop at a fuc*ing stop sign. That my younger sister is into weed and drinking and stuff at the age of 16! That she is thinking of dropping out of school. And that I would feel so helpless to help her. That my father lets her do this. My friends have given me some ideas but even if i get her in trouble with the cops my dad will just get her out and no lesson will be learned.
16th July 2008
OK my sister comes over today and informs me that she my father lets her smoke weed and lets her drink and she is 16 thinking of dropping out of school and this is on my father’s approval. And she even says that if our mother was still alive she would not be like this and our mom would kick her as*. And I really don’t know what to do because my dad is letting her do all this and he doesn’t seem to be doing anything. My best friend says call the cops when she is at one of her parties but I don’t know where or when her parties are so I really cannot do that. It’s like being stuck between a rock and hard spot
15th July 2008
Its been a long while since I wrote in this. I think its time to start again and also to start one that is just mine that nobody can read. :
In the past few weeks I have been in fights with people closest to me and I walked out on my job due to them not paying me and my nephew has been in the hospital and so much other stuff.
Im speaking my mind more and saying to f*ck with what people thing.
17th October 2007
laugh a little
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD! :
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad . Can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh, my gosh!" my wife exclaimed. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I said accusingly to my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically! ).
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.
"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know.
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma" (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.).
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting, " he murmured. "Mr. And Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen . . . Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . . Um . Masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
We were silent, absorbing this. "So, Ernie's just . . . Just ....
Excited," my wife offered. "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. "It's just . . . That . . I'm picturing you pulling on its . its . . teeny little . ." She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad," he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
Two lizards: $140.
One cage: $50.
Trip to the vet: $30.
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless
Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs.
8th February 2006
been a long time
I ahve not posted in this thing for along time. :
So much shit is going on in my life its like when does it end.
I got a job a job that pays me well and i hate it. I hate the shit that goes on there and a lady on my shift makes everybodys life a living hell. Plus i work midnights a shift that does not mix well ith me. Its wearing on my health i'm sick a hell of a lot of the time now and i have a hrd time shaking anything when i do get sick.
Plus things in my family are out of wack.
Some of my friends have so much going on I dont know how to help them. It seems like things they are going thru i dont even know what to say to them. And some of the time i want to say what the hell where you thinking???? But i try to support them and be there for them. (And some of you may think that the what the hell where you thinking is for you but i bet you are so off)
Current Mood: confused
25th July 2005
does anybody sensory what they post in here becasue of what certain people will say to you if u do i know a few people who read this and some of the things i would post in here would be taken wrong or piss people off so i watch what i write in here so i dont have to deal with all of it but now i'm wondering if thats wrong. and boy was that a run on sentance. I wonder sometimes how to be honest with some people. Some people i just want to scream at and rant and rave at them about things they have done and said and so on. Others i just want to smack and say wake up realize what is right in front of you. But i dont do that enough. then there are things like people who see people doing wrong and being asses and hurting people and knowing it's wrong but dont care casue its not done to them so what do they care. they see these people do this stuff and they see how rude and mean and how they hurt people but they say oh i dont care its not me they are doing it to and they wont do it to me so i'll still be there friend and so on. I just dont get it. :
Current Mood: confused
17th July 2005
I'm kind of afraid to beleive i got this job i got told i had another job then the job offer was recanted becasue of fights between the owners, so i keep think if the same thing will happen with this job. Part of me is just scared that i'll get another call saying i'm sorry but u cannot have this job. :
I did get one of my fav movies bought for me today 'cry-baby' i just love that movie!!!!
Current Mood: good
14th July 2005
I have been thinking: Am i good enough?. Sometimes i wonder if i am. :
I would go more in depth to some things but some people who read this will take it all wrong, so i'll avoid those topics.
I went and enrolled in a real easte class, and i thought it was a great thing for me and i was all happy about it, but now as i get closer to the end of class and i took the midterm today and have the final friday i wonder if i bit off more then i can chew. And did i jump into this head first for me or becasue others thought this was best for me. I have been trying to figure that out and i still dont know.
Then there are other things, like when i try to tell people how i feel, they blow it off saying u worry to much or thats just dumb. But since its how i feel does that make me dumb for feeling it?
I would say more about what i'm thinking but like i said people who read this would take it wrong and then it would start more problems and i have enought right now. No job bills pilling up and so on.
Current Mood: disappointed
7th July 2005
starting a new thing
I'm taking the class to be a real easte agent. I start on monday its a 40 hour week class. You take a midterm and a final in that week and then once u pass thoughs u take the state exam. Its something i'm looking forward to starting. :
Current Mood: content
5th July 2005
Hi everybody i sell home interiors if anybody is intrested in having a party or selling it or just need a few items for their home let me know. E-mail me at email@example.com or just post here on live journal :
Current Mood: busy
People get on my nerves. I have known people in my life come and go, just like everybody. But god i hate the ones that stab u in the back. Some of those have come thru my life the past few months. some of them i thought of as really good friends. I just dont understand how people can be so two faced. :
My life has changed so much in the past few years. ANd its not just little things these where life alltering things. Things that meant everytime one of the things happened my life changed and i had to step back and rething everything. That's where i'm at now. I'm rethinking everything. I have decided to take realestate classes to get my license to sell houses and such. I think these is a great move for me.
Sometimes i sit and i wonder what will happen next. What new thing will faith throw at me. I know i'm stronger then i thought but sometimes i wonder how much more i can take.
Current Mood: indescribable
22nd April 2005
I'm so fucking confused. So much shit is going on i dont know what way is up. One of my best friends and i are fighting and i dont know what to do about that. Did anybody ever feel that if one more bad thing happened in your life you would just throw in the towel? I have have felt that way a lot as of late i still have not throwen in the towel but i've been tempted to. I dont know what to do anymore I dont know how to prove things to certain people i dont know how to make things right with others and some situations i'm sick of just hearing about. :
Current Mood: bitchy
20th February 2005
well its been a hell of a weekend if i say so myself. :
My nephew is what i would call unique. He screams at me like hes the boss that can order me around. And times out dont seem to be working with him. He hates to say i'm sorry too. I'm at a lost as to what do with him in some things now. and then it gets bad cause some people override what i tell him if i tell him no they will tell him yes or something like that. It makes things twice as hard. I know some of these people help me so much. But i need people to back me when i tell him no not override me.
My neice is doing well. Sleeping at night is still a real big problem. I dont know how to get that straight i try keeping her up during the day and so on but it dont work. SO i'm also trying to figure that out
my new job is going pretty well. I like it.
At some points this weekend i thought i would pull out my hair.
Current Mood: tired
15th February 2005
OK I WANT TO SCREAM SO I AM GOING TO TYPE THIS IN CAPS RIGHT NOW. :
MY SISTER IS PISSING ME OFF. I GET A JOB AND I AM LIKING THIS JOB AND IT SEEMS LIKE SHE WANTS TO GET ME FIRED. WHY IS MY SISTER BEING THIS WAY???
Then i've been working for two days now today was my second and this is how my day went today...
slept thru my alarm, would of slept longer if sierra didnot wake me up at 7:30, when i am suppose to have the kids at the sitter so i overslept on my second day of work
then my sister calls and aske where i am i tell her i am running late i over slept i would see her in a while. i'm driving down her street to drop the kids off and my phone rings i pick it up my sisters like oh by the way 3 of my kids hav eover 100 temps so i dont think u should bring the kids here. OK so now i'm out a babysitter
so then i have to call my boss and tell her i'm going to be even later ON MY SECOND DAY OF WORK
i call around find another babysitter drop the kids out goto work where i go thru the day worrying about my neice who is under the weather now too
now i get home my sister has 5 out of her 6 kids down sick with temps over 100 i cannot find another babysitter i tried for hours and everybodys either sick or has something they cannot get out of. AND THE BABY IS SICK. so now its looking like i cannot show up for my third day i mean that looks very bad third day of work and u already have to call in?! And i'm worrying about sierra shes sleeping now. shes fussy and upset but i got her to eat some and then sleep
and this was my day
Current Mood: stressed
ok this seems to what lj is doing
If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought? :
Current Mood: amused
14th February 2005
ok i just posted but i felt like posting again. :
Where you ever hurt so bad that you where not sure that you could let somebody get in that deep of a relationship again? Did you ever look back and think what the fuck did i do wrong if anything? Now i'm not just talking boyfriend/girlfriend i'm also talking just friendships too. I've been doing a lot of thinking wondering how i got here and where the hell i'm gonna go i still have some of the same dreams i had before but who knows if i can get them to come true. I know if I try hard enough and work hard enough i can. But sometimes i wonder where am i going to find any more fight in me. I somehow always find it but i think i'm running real low here.
Current Mood: uncomfortable
OK well i have to have say this valintines day SUCKED. I started my new job witch was ok, but then i came home cooked my own dinner and ate it with my 3 year old nephew 3 month old neice and 12 year old sister. I'm single true but i just hated today i want to be wined dined and romance. I guess thats to much to ask for. :
Current Mood: disappointed
Well i start my new job monday and i'm happy but scared what if i mess it up? I really need and want this job to work out. :
my nephew and neice are doing pretty good. Jacob has his moments though. We where at one of my friends parents house and he turned into this big brat screaming and everything. I put him in time out he screamed worst. I know where all this steams from and that it will take time to get it all straightened out but its still hard
Current Mood: awake
13th February 2005
Well tonight was fun i had not only my neice and nephew but it was my sisters birthday this past week so i watched 4 of her 6 kids her other 2 kids where with their father. AND I had my little sister. They where all pretty good to be honest. It was just a busy night. Kids make it that way LOL. :
do you every think what can life throw at me next? I mean in 2003 i lost my mom in 2004 i got temp custody of my neice and nephew. So my question is to myself what will 2005 give me?
Current Mood: confused
10th February 2005
Ok today was real bad my nephew was clingy and whinny all day. It turned out he was sick. But every time i asked him does your tummy hurt does your head hurt? I always got no leave me alone then not even a minute later aunt serena you are too far from me come sit by me. ANd when he ment close to me he ment close it was like he was attached to my hip today. i would move over a bit and be told AUNT SERENA YOUR TOO FAR AWAY. I'm not use to this kind of stuff yet still getting there. :
I start my new job monday i'm so happy about it.
you know this guy imed me the other day and when i told him i did crafts he said oh i cannot talk to you cause you do crafts AND HE WAS SERIOUS!!!! i have had people say i cannot handle that you took your neice and nephew in. Now i think those people are small, wont even talk to me cause i have them, but because i do crafts give me a break
Current Mood: confused
9th February 2005
OK i just want to say the state of michigan sucks. I have been a foster parent for 3 months now and have not seen one cent from the state of michigan. THEN I goto the class they make u take and because i found a job they tried to take the kids insurance and food stamps away and say they where not going to give me a penny of the money i'm guranteed. BOY DID I GET ALL THAT STRAIGHTENED OUT. The kids get to keep their insurance plus i get the money for being a foster parent and i get the child care paid for while i am at work. :
My neice Sierra, whos 3 months old, is sitting her in bouncer playing but she wants all the attention so its taking me forever to type this LoL. She keeps making noises and stuff to get my attention then she smiles and goos and stuff at me. SO i talk to her and play with her. She loves attention now. She stays up a lot longer now then when she came home.
My nephew is in bed, and boy is bedtime hard. He hates going to bed he screams and crys and screams "SOMEBODY HELP ME SHES HURTING ME CALL 911" All this just so i wont make him goto bed. I am running out of ideas. I let him look at books in bed but when i say lights out i still get the crying and so on. Any ideas?
Current Mood: busy